“Resilience is forged through adversity, not in spite of it.” Dr. Froma Walsh
Most of us have heard the phrase about “bouncing back” from adversity. Froma Walsh, clinical psychologist and authority on family resilience, put a new twist on the phrase. She suggests that bouncing forward from setbacks is a better term. Bouncing back suggests we can resume life as it was. But, after a traumatic event, a debilitating illness, the death of a loved one, or political unrest, many things are different. It is normal to struggle with adjusting to dramatic change, and natural to grieve such losses. It is hard not to look back with longing on what has been lost. But, eventually, to move forward, it is necessary to accept the new circumstances. Bouncing forward goes a step further. In Strengthening Family Resilience, Walsh writes: “the qualities of resilience enable people to heal from painful wounds, take charge of their lives, and go on to love fully and to live well…. Resilience is forged through adversity, not in spite of it. Life crises and challenges can bring out the best in us as we rise to meet the challenges.”
Walsh writes that one key factor in resilience relates to family belief systems. And when discussing families, modern American families come in many varieties. They may be traditional families, single parent households, stepfamilies, birth and adopted children, extended family, committed friends, married or unmarried. Walsh found that resilient families “approach adversity as a shared challengeand hold a relational view of strength, in contrast to the American cultural ethos of the rugged individual.” In a strong family, Walsh says that “resilience is fostered by shared…beliefs that increase options for problem resolution, healing and growth. They help members make meaning of crisis situations; facilitate a hopeful, positive outlook; and offer transcendental or spiritual moorings.” Inspiring music echoes this sentiment. Recall the song, “I can get by with a little help from my friends,” by the Beatles. Bill Withers sang “Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on.” Another example is the 1960’s civil rights theme song that “we shall overcome” adversity by joining together.
You can intentionally increase resilience in your life. Practical applications include intentionally maintaining a strong network of positive, mutual social support, including family, friends, neighbors, church, synagogue, or community organizations. Everyone’s circle looks different and changes with different seasons of life. Guard against isolation from others. You may not need support now, but you will someday. Meanwhile, help others. Good relationships are mutually supportive—emotionally and practically. Accept that change is the norm and practice flexibility. In addition to unexpected crises, families go through normal development phases requiring major adaptation–the birth of a child, adolescence, child leaving for college, marriage, retirement, health issues or death of a family member.
Of significant importance in maintaining robust resilience in today’s uncertain times is to develop and regularly practice a belief system or spiritual practice that “anchors” you. Building internal resources is important to do before a crisis occurs–whether by meditation, spending time in nature, attending religious services, creative arts, inspiring music, or other means. If not, it is harder to “learn how to swim” during a shipwreck. But it is possible to “dig deeper” during a crisis. Susan L. Taylor, former editor-in-chief of Essence magazine, wrote that seeds of faith are always within us and sometimes a crisis is needed for their growth. The crisis of Hurricane Helene was so unsettling for many reasons. Our illusion of safety from dangerous weather events in NC was shattered. Lost lives, homes, and businesses. Electricity, cell service, internet service, sewer, and passable roads, which we depend upon, instantly disappeared. Spiritual practices are a comforting constant when everything else you trust suddenly falls apart. The Christian scripture in Hebrews 13:8 reminds us that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Corrie Ten Boom’s faith steadied her in the WWII concentration camp she survived: “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” More recently, Beth Moore, dynamic evangelist and author said: “Faith is believing in an unshakeable God when everything in me trembles and shakes.” Judaism also emphasizes God’s steadfastness and reliability. Minor prophet Malachi said, “For I the Lord do not change.” God, speaking in the Old Testament through the prophet Isaiah, promises: “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken….”