In 1935 when Social Security became law, the average life expectancy for men was 59 and for women it was 63. The idea of paying older persons a pension sufficient enough to allow them to quit working at 65 was admirable but not expected to be too costly. In 2023, the average life expectancy was 84 for men and 87 for women. Many of us can expect to spend 20-30 more years in this chapter of our lives. How can we get the most out of our bonus years?
Former Breeze arts columnist (and my beloved mother-in-law) Mary Karr lived life to the fullest until she passed away at 97 in late June of 2024. This article was first published in August of 2024. To honor her memory, and because her lessons about aging well are so very good, I would like to offer them again.
Lesson one: You’ve got to keep moving. How many times did she say that as she headed out to her garden every morning. Planting, weeding, blowing leaves – even moving rocks – kept her agile and strong. I found a piece of paper tucked away in her desk that said “Mary no matter how hard she tries, grows tubby without exercise.” We would all do well to prioritize our physical health. Our area offers so many opportunities to walk, bike, swim, golf and more.
Lesson two: Have friends of all ages. At 97, all of the friends she had had in her sixties were gone. But Mary made lasting friendships with persons younger than herself by staying involved in activities such as bridge and organizations such as church and her art group. She made deliberate efforts to stay in touch with distant family and friends by mailing them notes with copies of her articles. Her mailbox was almost never empty. She also told me that she made a practice of honoring those friends she had lost by doing “a good deed” in their memory on each anniversary of their passing.
Lesson three: Keep a positive attitude. She often said “stress kills and worrying does you more harm than good.” Dubbed “Mary Sunshine” by her grandfather – she really lived up to that name seldom complaining about aches and pains or the challenges of living alone. One way she kept positive was her practice of doing something she enjoyed every day (also known as “taking time to smell the roses.”) That could be as simple as sitting down to read a book or magazine or sitting on the back deck overlooking the lake with a cup of coffee or tea.
Lesson four: Keep your mind sharp and your creative juices flowing. Mary loved to play duplicate bridge and did so two to three times a week through her 96th year. She was a sought-after partner and a fierce competitor. She also loved to play Rummikub and won most of the games she played against family. She and her late husband, Bryant, had ongoing poker matches as well. Creatively, she loved to retreat to her studio to work on watercolor projects. All of her greeting cards were hand-painted as were her Christmas cards. I have seen many of those cards framed in friends’ homes.
Lesson five: Notice the beauty around you and connect with your spirituality as you define it. Mary lived in a most beautiful setting. Her view changed daily with the seasons and the weather and she never took it for granted. She was an active member of her church arranging blooms and greenery from her yard every week for the alter. She found her greatest spiritual connection in nature.
If we can be mindful of these five lessons, I believe we have an improved chance to live our lives to the fullest and best enjoy our later years. Thank you, Mary.
