I recently attended the ceremony at Morse Park, celebrating 100 years of the Lake Lure Dam. It was a beautiful sunny day, with a view of the vintage boats at the marina, and a soft breeze coming through the pavilion. Town officials, government representatives and the dam engineers (how funny is that word play?!) took turns offering words of significance. There was a recurring theme of community, history and legacy. It seemed that everyone who spoke had a kindred connection with our lake, its view from Chimney Rock and couldn’t help but express their love for the area and how the Hickory Nut Gorge has touched them personally. They spoke of family photos hanging on their walls with the view of the lake in the background from the top of the State Park, making it obvious that we live in a very special place. The topic of solidarity kept coming up over and over again, expressing how our community had banded together after Hurricane Helene and how Neighbor helping Neighbor was something that happened even 100 years ago. Our amazing and steadfast community is one of the most impressive parts of living here. Events like this make you treasure our small town and remember what’s truly important – the people sitting in front of you, behind you and next to you. These are your people! But there are times when communities will feel divided. It seems elevated lately, perhaps because of social media’s role in perpetuating anger and outrage.
People have always had different opinions and alliances. It’s part of being human. Tribes, clubs, churches and memberships give people a place to belong and share interests. We like what we like, and we don’t like what we don’t like. But does that mean we can’t all get along? Is all the divisiveness real or is it manufactured? Have we been told to choose a side for our own good or to perpetuate a feeling of unease, distrust and dissatisfaction? Divisiveness creates loneliness, resentment, anger and hatred and let’s face it, it’s not a good look. With that there is a great loss of compassion and kindness. So, what are we to do when we don’t agree with a person sitting next to us?
How can we still be a community even if we don’t all agree? I think that’s a question that’s been being asked for a very long time. I remember having a conversation with an older friend several years back about the political landscape and how everything has become so polarized. I remember her saying “that’s why they used to put curtains on the voting booth!” and I thought that was a pretty poignant quote. Do we have to proclaim our opinions on everything? Or even discuss it at all? Maybe we’d be better off keeping it behind the curtain. We could simply know that what we believe is true and not get into it. Thus, keeping the peace so we can all be happy. In the words of my mother-in-law “it’s ok to lose the battle to win the war”. Now this was regarding my then 5 year old daughter, would only eat dino nuggets, goldfish and basically junk food. I chose to lose the battle so that food wouldn’t become a bid deal in our home. Hello gummy vitamins! Darling, you can have your fruit snacks after you eat your cheese-its. I had to trust that one day it would be all right and she would choke down some vegetables on her own. My husband’s mother said her son had eaten nothing but peanut butter sandwiches until he became a teenager. Even at Holidays – they would make him a sandwich. No turkey, no stuffing, just peanut butter on white bread. And they let it be. And now he’s a full size, 6’3” man who will eat pretty much anything except for pickles and sweet potatoes. The battle lost was a war won. With my daughter also, who grew up healthy and is now a college athlete. Thank goodness she has the dining hall to feed her there! Sometimes we need to choose our battles. Drop our “need to be right” to save the valuable friendship, for example.
When we’re willing to hear the thing that we disagree with and just take it as information, it doesn’t feel so personal. We can seek to understand where the other person is coming from and then maybe offer just a gentle nod or say, “I hear you”. We can acknowledge and not necessarily have to agree. If we put ourselves in a situation to perpetuate peace, imagine the benefits. Now I’m not saying you can’t be an activist and/or to make your opinion clear – and of course we must stand up when there is injustice or mistreatment. But it seems like social media, and all the platforms have made it a little bit too easy to tell everybody how we feel about everything. We’re all sticking our noses in places where they really don’t need to be and then we feel offended when not everybody thinks the same way we do.
And when that is taken a step further, someone who doesn’t think the same way about something that we do, we decide that they’re repulsive or they’re less than human and don’t deserve compassion. What a shame, because historically, that’s how genocide happens. It’s the decision that a human is not worth living because of what they believe or how they look or how they vote or the color of their skin.
It’s all the same when we attribute a thought or belief to someone being less than human, we perpetuate the divisiveness and that is what causes pain and suffering. I don’t have the solution, but I believe that taking time to reflect and pause to breathe (I am breathing in. I am breathing out.) can work wonders in helping us respond in a calmer and kinder way. It will never be perfect. With elections happening likely just after this is published, we won’t all get our way. But one thing is for sure-we live in a beautiful place surrounded by beautiful people who might not all think the same way we do and who might not all like the same people we do, but at the end of the day, we’re neighbors. If we dig into those deep human qualities of compassion, kindness, connection and respect, we can perpetuate peace right here. As we approach the holiday season – the season of gratitude and the season of giving – my intention is to be thankful more and to be willing to receive my neighbors however they are. And offer them loving kindness for a life of happiness and good health regardless of whether or not their cause is the same as mine.
Carla Ann Drummond is the founder of Lake Lure Yoga (www.lakelureyoga.com), where she strives to hold space for peace, healing, breath and to inspire belonging in her community.
