“Be grateful for each day, even the dark ones.” Pepper Winters
Thanksgiving is a time when Americans traditionally express gratitude, which is easy while enjoying a delicious holiday dinner. But if we practice gratitude only during holidays or good times, we miss many benefits. Exercising thankfulness regularly, and especially during challenging times, provides the maximum positive effect. Gratitude expert, psychologist Robert Emmons, wrote that gratitude is essential during tough times. Emmons said, “In the face of despair, gratitude has the power to bring hope.” Pastor Max Lucado wrote, “gratitude gets us through the hard stuff.” Oprah Winfrey believes “gratitude can transform any situation…moving you from negative energy to positive.”
After facing a life-threatening illness, or surviving a dangerous situation, you often have a greater appreciation of each day. Author Benjamin W. Bass said, “life is strange, beautiful, and terrifying…. I am thankful for every minute of it that I have had and…every minute yet to come.” Sometimes, during trials, appreciating little things like a cup of coffee, a pet’s antics, or a beautiful song strengthens us. Author Robert Brault said, “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” To improve your gratitude attitude, consider the four A’s of gratitude, popularized by author Brian Tracy: Appreciation, Approval, Admiration, and Attention. Quint Boa, British psychotherapist, describes them. “Appreciation means expressing thankfulness for the good things, people, and circumstances in your life. Approval is validating and praising others, which boosts their self-esteem as well as your own. Admiration is complimenting people for their specific traits, achievements, or qualities. Attention is giving people your focused, undivided time and presence to show they matter.” Brene Brown, research professor and best-selling author, wrote, “I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.” Journalist Germany Kent wrote, “it’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.”
Therapist Sheila K. Collins, Ph.D. lost a son to AIDS and a daughter to breast cancer. She wrote, “gratitude can feel elusive during times of grief and hardship but remains a vital practice. Cultivating gratitude requires intentional effort. Expressing gratitude frequently fosters resilience, joy, and a more positive outlook.” Collins observed, “grief of current losses can consume our awareness, perhaps partly from the energy it takes to deal with their aftermath.” To develop consistent gratitude, Collins recommends thinking of three things you are grateful for every night, and keep a gratitude list to celebrate the good, despite challenges.
Kathy Diltz, of Notre Dame Department of Theology wrote a Thanksgiving reflection. “We are always called to give gratitude to God.” Diltz referred to scripture encouraging us to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18), and to give thanks always and for everything (Ephesians 5:20). “But we do not always feel grateful. Bad things happen; evil exists. How do we practice gratitude when it feels like nothing is going well?” Even when we cannot yet feel grateful for a difficult situation, Diltz encourages us to look around and identify other things in our lives we are thankful for. “Gratitude does not take away the pain of suffering, but it allows us to continue moving forward as our wounds heal.”
The consumer wellness app Calm has many useful insights. “While it can feel hard during tough times, gratitude can coexist with difficult emotions, and practicing it can improve your mental health.” They acknowledge “there will always be moments in life where gratitude is the last emotion you can drum up. We cannot just make ourselves feel grateful…but can choose to practice gratitude along with all our other messy human feelings.” We are reminded to “lean on community.” Some of the best reasons for gratitude are friends and family. Connecting with others in mutual support, we remember we are not alone in this world.” One helpful gratitude practice is reframing, like “giving your mind a fresh pair of glasses to see the world through…. You can take the most challenging situations and find a silver lining…, flipping the script on life’s ups and downs.” A favorite quote about reframing is from Irish author Ella Griffin. “She could go on asking herself why roses had thorns or she could be thankful that thorns had roses.”
