I had a dear friend (sadly, he passed away a few years ago) and when I would see him, he would always say “Are you here by yourself? (dramatic pause) Not anymore!” Oh how that corny line would make me smile every time without fail. What does it mean to be lonely? I’m sure we’ve all felt lonely at some point in our lives, but it turns out that it’s actually a pretty big problem. So much so, that in 2023 the US surgeon general declared loneliness an epidemic. In his advisory, he defined it as “a subjective distressing experience that results from perceived isolation or inadequate meaningful connections.” Other research shows that loneliness can be caused by many different factors including age, family responsibilities, use of technology, mental health, work (remote work or being too busy to meaningfully connect with others), fear of judgement and a lack of spiritual fulfillment. Phew. No wonder it’s a problem. And because it is so subjective, it’s not easy to pinpoint a general cause that relates to everyone. Many would assume that you get more lonely as you age, but the research doesn’t necessarily support this. According to Harvard survey, 30–44-year-olds are the actually in the loneliest age group and it seems to get better for a while as you exit your 40’s. Being older oftentimes means being emotionally wiser and better equipped to handle tough feelings or situations. Older people often have smaller circles of friends but their relationships are more meaningful and retirement schedules can mean less stress and a more stable routine. Limited mobility or physical isolation however, can be an obstacle.
According to US Census data, in Lake Lure the median age is approximately 61.7 years (with 40% over the age of 65 and 30% age 45-64). Being surrounded by the beautiful Hickory Nut Gorge and its proximity to Asheville makes Lake Lure a very popular place to retire. Beyond the beauty of the region, our community actively takes steps to keep people socially connected, which is a great way to combat loneliness. Certainly, there are businesses that cater to visitors, but when the tourist season settles down, you’ll still find 40 thru 70 somethings engaging in a variety of activities together. In a single week I can hear someone say they went to yoga classes, played Mah Jong, went to a trivia night, had a group dinner, hosted book club, got on the lake and/or hiked a mountain. And honestly that’s the short list. I moved here in my late 40’s and am continuously inspired by those in their 60’s and 70’s who are here just living their best life. We are so fortunate to have amazing resources to combat loneliness at any age. We just need to heed the lesson and look around. I often joke that the hardest part of teaching my yoga classes is getting people to stop chatting. It’s hard to tell if they’re there for yoga or to see their friends.
Speaking of friends, making new ones is another way to well, not be alone. When you show up for group activities you naturally find people who like to do what you also enjoy. Why can’t we take a lesson from kids and just say “wanna be friends?” and see where it goes.
If you’re feeling a bit isolated or just want to make new friends, a good place to start is our very own www.LakeLureSocialClub.com. Talk about combatting loneliness from every angle! There are so many different offerings, their website is worth a look. Other recommendations from “the research” to consider are volunteering (think Flowering Bridge, HNG Outreach or one of the many local animal shelters such as Foothills Humane Society), getting a pet, taking time for gratitude (I am thankful for…), limiting time on social media (so you don’t stay stuck in the house all day), engaging in self-care or signing up for continuing education (some community colleges like Isothermal or local libraries like our Mountains Branch have free course options).
Another point to consider is the comparison of solitude verses being lonely. Yes solitude technically is being alone, but it is usually a choice. It’s a way to find peace or rest all by yourself. Interestingly, solitude can actually be a remedy for loneliness. Meaning if you feel lonely, you can turn it into solitude by being purposeful like taking a walk, reading a book, meditating or doing breath work (I am breathing in. I am breathing out.), or simply cooking by yourself.
We are fortunate to live in a community that offers real solutions to being lonely and lots of chances to make new friends. All you have to do is show up and see what happens. And if you’re not lonely but just want to help spread some happiness, maybe you can reach out to someone who is struggling and invite them to join you or offer them a resource. And of course, you’re always invited to come to a yoga class with me.
Carla Ann Drummond is the founder of Lake Lure Yoga (www.lakelureyoga.com), where she strives to hold space for peace, healing, breath and to inspire belonging in her community.
